One and Done

oneandone2A thought came to mind recently of the term “One and Done”. Knowing that I had heard the term before but unsure of its actual meaning. I proceeded to look it up to find the following; One and Done is the rule effectively mandated that players spend at least one year in college. That High school players who would otherwise have jumped directly into the NBA were required instead to play in college for a year before leaving and entering the draft……….

Although there are many arguments either for or against the rule, I have chosen to delve in a bit deeper on this rule and blog on what most interests me. Of course, if you have an opposing view be sure to share it in the comment section but be kind about it.

Both my work and personal experience with young people leads me to believe that “One and Done” clearly allows time and space for necessary development. That development which has happened physically allows for maturation socially, emotionally, and in cognitive development.

Many would argue that physically these players/individuals already possess the skillset to play professionally and I do agree. However, with the inept ability to manage the social/emotional implications there’s increased risk of – crash and burn. Research shows that an 18 year-old makes far riskier/ impulsive decisions in an attempt to plan and reach a goal. More so than someone in their mid-20s. This is due in part to lack of experience, but primarily to an underdeveloped brain. The brain’s reward system tends to reach a high level of activation during puberty, then gradually drifts back to normal activation when a person reaches roughly the age of 25. This concept, we also see in the actions of the car insurance industry where higher premiums are charged for drivers under 25, who are believed to be immature and inexperience at operating a vehicle and prone to accidents.  

I would also like to interject that sports and insurance are not the only relatable experiences here. Relationships, Careers, Finances, and Spirituality are also relevant. Because we don’t mature in all aspects of life on an even keel, it is common to see someone physically mature and emotionally bankrupt, or spiritually adequate and socially starved. How about in business, where managers are great at managing projects but inadequate at managing people? Somewhere there is a gap and a need for interventions that help bring qualitative balance.

What is even more interesting is that this rule is up for review and there is a likely chance that it will no longer apply come 2020.  If that is the case and the rule does go away, my hope is that that all parties are proactive in developing a culture to lessen the impact of this (new) environment on these young but exemplary athletes.  A culture ready and able to recognize potential problems and provide early interventions that can result in better outcomes.

I end by saying growth is inevitable but balanced growth is not. Although development is a continuous process, it is one that occurs in a series of qualitatively different steps. Therefore, there will always be a need for research, for studies, for subjects and samples to help us as humans to reach our true potential.   

What makes a Dad

What makes a Dad

God took the strength of a mountain,
the majesty of a tree,
the warmth of a summer sun,
the calm of the quiet sea,

The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagles flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,

The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
the depth of family need,
Then God combined these qualities.

When there was nothing more to add,
He knew his masterpiece was complete,
And so,

He Called it……DAD

Author: Unknown

To  a COUNTLESS NUMBER OF DADS ON THIS FATHER’S DAY.

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When your Now Outweighs your Later

When having it Now outweighs the discipline of waiting until Later, we allow the pains of anxiety to consume our rational mindset, delivering us into a valley of emotions. Emotions are defined as “a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.” Our natural instinctive response to life’s situations are accompanied by two types of emotions. The first, primary  emotions (fear, sadness, anger, happiness). They are immediate, without conscious thought, instinctive responses.  The human mind and body transitions within a matter of moments from primary to secondary emotions. In between the departing of one (primary) and the arrival at the other (secondary), there exists a bit of confusion. The mind questions the heart, “what did we do? Was it the right thing to do? This begins the procession of secondary emotions. With it comes a more in-depth thought process.

Examples of secondary emotions;

  • When the fear of a threat turns to anger and the body resorts to the fight or flight mode

  • When news of a wartime victory may start with feelings of joy, but then enters sadness for the loss of life

So you may ask, what is the purpose of our emotions? They serve to help you survive, to thrive, it also motivates you to take action, while affecting the decisions you make. Emotions allow you to not only understand others but to understand yourself as well. Although it is easy to make decisions based on how you feel― be very careful not to allow the anxieties of Now, to outweigh the discipline of waiting until Later.  If you haven’t already, be sure to order my book titled, “The Art of Transitions, Mastering the Highs & Lows of Every Girls’ Emotions”, written with the female psyche in mind.

The Great Enemy of Creativity

A Lesson in the Subconcsious Mind and  how to experience true Breakthrough……

Author: Bryan Tracy

All of your habits of thinking and acting is stored in your subconscious mind. It has memorized all your comfort zones and it works to keep you in them.

Your subconscious mind causes you to feel emotionally and physically uncomfortable whenever you attempt to do anything new or different, or to change any of your established patterns of behavior.

You can feel your subconscious pulling you back toward your comfort zone each time you try something new. Even thinking about doing something different from what you’re accustomed to will make you feel tense and uneasy.

Superior men and women are always stretching themselves, pushing themselves out of their comfort zones. They are very aware how quickly the comfort zone, in any area, becomes a rut. They know that complacency is the great enemy of creativity and future possibilities.

For you to grow, to get out of your comfort zone, you have to be willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable doing new things the first few times. #trynewthings #breakfreefromtheold #shiftingyourparadigm  #LEAP #LifeLessons #loveknowledge

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Anxiety Ann

Occasionally when Ann transitioned through life she has encountered a bout with anxiety. Not knowing how to deal with it, left Ann defeated every time. Her period of transition would leave her feeling exasperated, depressed and sometimes suicidal. Until one day her encounter with a co-worker who had experienced the same symptoms helped to set her free. Free indeed it was for Ann, she felt as if the hands that tightened around her throat at the first sign of change, finally loosen. Anxiety was her body’s natural response to danger, an automatic alarm that went off when she realized that certain occurrences were outside of her range of understanding and control. Ann felt like she was losing her grip on life and all that was familiar to her, so she fought change at work, at home, in relationships and sometimes even in and of her own necessary character flaws.

frontcoverpreview-doCharles Spurgeon said, “Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength”. Imagine fighting against yourself…or within yourself, mindboggling to say the least. This is what Ann was experiencing. Not having enough information to dictate, control or to anticipate her outcome led to Ann’s anxiety.

Read more about Ann and 11 other women whoMastered the Art of their Emotions” in order to transition successfully. Your shift in thought, mindset, and lifestyle awaits…….  ~Janie

SEE JANE RUN – I AM BEAUTIFUL

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The following is an excerpt from chapter 7 of my book “See Jane Run” Encouraging Mother Daughter Communication. 

Purchase: https://www.createspace.com/5776362

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Although beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, the feeling of being beautiful exists solely in the mind of the beheld.  ~Martha Beck

SEE JANE RUN – I AM BEAUTIFUL

At one time or another every young lady feels as if she is not beautiful.   I met with these unkind thoughts early on in my childhood. Unsure of why I was so insecure at the time, I often played over and over in my mind (the thoughts of comparison) how my nose was too big, my lips were too full and my body type too skinny. I remember specifically thinking that one of my best friends was clearly prettier than I was because she was a lighter skin African American. I felt as if the boys liked her better and that I was not as desirable because I was of a darker skin tone. I wish that I could say that I eventually got over this negative perception of self while I was yet a little girl, but it wasn’t until I was a young adult that my thought process began to change. I had taken a job in my career field and was leaving my office one day. I remember an older gentlemen walking toward me in the parking lot and, as he approached me, he stopped to say, “You are such a beautiful young lady.” Those seven words from a stranger that day lifted my spirits a world over. They brought a smile to my face and, most importantly, helped to change the weight of the perception I had held over the years.

Now, I have no problem saying to myself and believing it, “I am Beautiful,” because in the mind of the beheld (my mind) my perception, my self-worth and self-esteem are much higher.  I have learned to accept my differences, whether they’re in skin tone, facial features or body shape, and appreciate them as unique, and uniquely me. 

Mothers – encourage your daughters to embrace their “uniqueness” and leverage its power in life.  

Daughters – Be Uniquely YOU!

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“Your Favor ain’t Like Mine”

opninionseveryoneDreading a change in schools recently, my eldest daughter shared with me a negative comment repeated to her by one of her peers of which was overheard from an adult, regarding her soon to be school. Such a comment had her (my daughter) very much uneasy about the new school environment.

To her comment I answered “Do not allow the opinions of others to become your opinion before you have had your own experience with a particular person, place or thing”.  Why? Because your favor is different from their favor…..the environment, the atmosphere, certain personalities will respond to you entirely different than it would/will to another individual. These were not just words of comfort for my dear child but words of which I truly live by.

Prime example, have you ever had a negative experience with a person, place or thing and shared that experience with someone else who had also encountered the same person, place or thing? Only to realize that their experience was 100% positive? In that moment of sharing, you probably found yourself trying to justify your negative experience as not only the norm but to convince the other person to see things the way that you – experienced it.

Outside of that moment, once you have had the time to reflect, what did you ask yourself? Hopefully one or two of the following;

  • What were my motives for sharing this negative experience?

  • Can this individual/audience handle this negative experience? Consider this especially in the realm of young people.

  • Was my experience the overwhelmingly consistent “norm” regarding this person, place or thing?

Grantland Rice says it this way “A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows the public opinion”. The Bible says it this way “Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions”. (Prov. 18:2, NIV)

negativeopinionAlthough we all have the right to freedom of speech, that freedom of speech or opinion for that matter should never be to the detriment of another individual’s right to the same. Simply because we as individuals, with unique identities and favor will meet with life and life experiences differently.

Because “Your Favor ain’t Like Mine”, I choose to always add my own personal clause, the “Negative Opinion Clause” (NOC). This is done by stating that the opinion for which I am about to share is my opinion and my opinion only. That then, empowers others to not have to conform to your/my experience as the absolute. The end result – a people rich in experience and wise in living.

By the way, the experience for which my daughter dreaded proved to be all but negative for her. She in turn is enjoying her new school environment and have met new friends, with (positive) common interests. 

Remember to either like our blogs, share our blog or invite someone to follow our blog. JANENOTDOE promotes “Identity” among Sisterhood…..Be All that YOU were meant to be unapologetically!